After decades of development, we here at Aperture Science are proud to present the consumer version of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (ASHPD).

Please read these guidelines below before using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (ASHPD).

- Do not look directly at the operational end of the device.

- Do not submerge the device in liquid.

- Do not use the device to look directly at the operational end of the device.

- Do not use the device near fire.

- Do not put your hands or feet in front of the operational end of the device.

- Do not allow children to hold or operate the device.

- Do not disassemble the device.

- Do not use the device to spread false information.

- Do not create a portal inside of a portal.

- Do not use the device to form a temporal anomaly.

- Do not use the device to cause mass panic and/or hysteria.

- Do not use the device to convince others of divine power for personal gain.

- Do not put a sticker of your favorite band on the device.

- Do not use the device to trespass on government property.

- Do not inform law enforcement of the existence of the device.

- Do not use the device on any form of public transportation.

- Do not use the device to show off to your friends.

- Do not use the device to create a portal inside of a portal.

- Do not repeatedly discharge the device.

- Do not aim the device at your own or others' head.

- Do not paint the device.

- Do not take the device on any form of public transportation.

- Do not use the device to promote any form of hate speech.

- Do not attempt to repair the device.

- If the device is damaged, do not not contact Aperture Science immediately.

- If the device harms someone due to a malfunction, absolutely do not contact law enforcement or any other government agency. Instead, contact Aperture Science. We'll take care of it. Good as new.

- Do not use the device as training data for any form of generative AI.

- Absolutely, positively, under any circumstances, do not use the device to create a portal inside of a portal.

- Do not move the device too fast.

- Do not make eye contact with the version of yourself that comes out of the portal.

- Do not shake the device.

- Do not coat the device in any kind of lubricant.

- Do not use the device to perform surgery.

- Do not feature the device in any form of media.

- Do not talk to the device.

- Do not look at the device for more than three hours at a time.

- Do not discharge the device in a confined space.

- Do not discharge the device in a crowded area.

- Do not discharge the device upside down.

- Do not leave the device unattended. If it is nessecary to leave the device unattended, please contact Aperture Science so that we can send a qualified Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (ASHPD) Supervisor to your residence to supervise the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (ASHPD).

- Do not modify the firmware of the device.

- Do not panic if the device threatens to stab you.

- Do not use the device in an educational environment.

- Do not sell the device.

- Do not use the device to talk about your feelings.

- Do not gift the device to a loved one.

- Do not use the device to flip a coin.

- Do not use the device to play catch with yourself or others.

- Do not, under any circumstances, set the device to "stun". This is not a feature of the device.

- Do not drink any liquid that comes out of the device.

- Do not feed the device.

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